August 3, 2006

MOCK FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT: ROUND 6

by Michael Stephens

… And the Fantasy Football Files Mock Draft rages on into yet another round here today. The teams are starting to come together, and it's going to be a battle each and every week, from the looks of things. Until T.O. gets suspended indefinitely and Larry Johnson blows out his knee, etc.

But for now, it's anyone's game. You've seen the picks from rounds one, two, three, four and five. Now let's get the show on the road and see how picks 51-60 overall went down in our continuing fantasy draft mockery.

Jeremy Shockey

Round Six. The Draft Order:

51. Jeff_Probst_wannabe
52. JamalLewisMustDie
53. Montana2Rice
54. The Deciders
55. Team Ecosystem
56. GoldGlove24
57. Employee001
58. the iForce
59. KissMyTightEnd
60. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience

The Unedited Sixth Round:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Jeff_Probst_wannabe]: Cedric who? I'll take Thomas Jones any day. Or at least on this day. The guy gets overlooked every year, and I just nabbed him out from under all of you. That's right, bitches, get ready for it.

[JamalLewisMustDie]: JamalLewisMustDie would rather die than select Jamal Lewis for a second consecutive year. But, JLMD is feeling some loyalty to the Ravens, and will henceforth sign Todd Heap to a one-year deal.

[Montana2Rice]: Feeling the need for a little Shock therapy, I'll keep the tight end trend going with Jeremy Shockey.

[JamalLewisMustDie]: Mine is better.

[Montana2Rice]: You will die alone.

[Employee001]: You bastard! You know I wanted Shockey!

[Montana2Rice]: I want to sleep with Beyonce tonight. Sometimes we have to get used to disappointment.

[The Deciders]: Alright, moving on. Some of us have work e-mail accounts, remember! Anyhoo, I've never heard of Lee Evans before right now, when I looked at his stats online. This guy is apparently really good! An on my fantasy team!

Al Gore

[Team Ecosystem]: I was going to take Al Gore, but since he is out promoting his new movie and not reporting to camp, I'll take the next best thing, Frank Gore.

[GoldGlove24]: Chris "day-to-day" Brown.

[Employee001]: No idea why I am picking a guy who is holding out and not looking like he's showing up to camp anytime soon. I might as well be taking Al Gore… but I will nonetheless take Deion Branch. If he shows up, he will catch the football many times, at least 10 of them in the end zone.

[the iForce]: As a proud secular Jew, I will extend an olive branch to the Islamic community with the selection of Muhsin Muhammad.

[KissMyTightEnd]: I select Marc Bulger. And I have no idea why.

[The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience]: In an effort to assemble the most upsidest team ever, I'll take Laurence Maroney.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Rundown, Sans Commentary…

51. Jeff_Probst_wannabe — Thomas Jones, RB, Chicago
52. JamalLewisMustDie — Todd Heap, TE, Baltimore
53. Montana2Rice — Jeremy Shockey, TE, N.Y. Giants
54. The Deciders — Lee Evans, WR, Buffalo
55. Team Ecosystem — Frank Gore, RB, San Francisco
56. GoldGlove24 — Chris Brown, RB, Tennessee
57. Employee001 — Deion Branch, WR, New England
58. the iForce — Muhsin Muhammad, WR, Carolina
59. KissMyTightEnd — Marc Bulger, QB, St. Louis
60. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience — Laurence Maroney, RB, New England

THROUGH SIX ROUNDS, BY TEAM:

The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience:
Larry Johnson, RB, Kansas City
Domanick Davis, RB, Houston
Reggie Bush, RB, New Orleans
Javon Walker, WR, Denver
Joey Galloway, WR, Tampa Bay
Laurence Maroney, RB, New England

KissMyTightEnd:

LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, San Diego
Marvin Harrison, WR, Indianapolis
Randy Moss, WR, Oakland
Reuben Droughns, RB, Cleveland
T.J. Duckett, RB, Atlanta
Marc Bulger, QB, St. Louis

the iForce:
Shaun Alexander, RB, Seattle
Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego
Brian Westbrook, RB, Philadelphia
Tatum Bell, RB, Denver
Chester Taylor, RB, Minnesota
Muhsin Muhammad, WR, Carolina

Employee001:
Tiki Barber, RB, N.Y. Giants
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona
Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh
Plaxico Burress, WR, N.Y. Giants
DeShaun Foster, RB, Carolina
Deion Branch, WR, New England

GoldGlove24:

Edgerrin James, RB, Arizona
Willis McGahee, RB, Buffalo
Julius Jones, RB, Dallas
Chris Chambers, WR, Miami
Andre Johnson, WR, Houston
Chris Brown, RB, Tennessee

Team Ecosystem:
Rudi Johnson, RB, Cincinnati
Chad Johnson, WR, Cincinnati
Kevin Jones, RB, Detroit
Santana Moss, WR, Washington
Tony Gonzalez, TE, Kansas City
Frank Gore, RB, San Francisco

The Deciders:
Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis
Carnell Williams, RB, Tampa Bay
Torry Holt, WR, St. Louis
Corey Dillon, RB, New England
Dominic Rhodes, RB, Indianapolis
Lee Evans, WR, Buffalo

Montana2Rice:

Clinton Portis, RB, Washington
Ronnie Brown, RB, Miami
Anquan Boldin, WR, Arizona
Roy Williams, WR, Detroit
Joe Horn, WR, New Orleans
Jeremy Shockey, TE, N.Y. Giants

JamalLewisMustDie:
Terrell Owens, WR, Dallas
Lamont Davis, RB, Oakland
Warrick Dunn, WR, Atlanta
Reggie Wayne, WR, Indianapolis
Carson Palmer, QB, Cincinnati
Todd Heap, TE, Baltimore

Jeff_Probst_wannabe:
Steve Smith, WR, Carolina
Steven Jackson, RB, St. Louis
Hines Ward, WR, Pittsburgh
Tom Brady, QB, New England
Deuce McAllister, RB, New Orleans
Thomas Jones, RB, Chicago

     
   
     

July 30, 2006

MOCK FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT: ROUND 5

by Michael Stephens

The official Mock Draft rages on here at the Fantasy Football Files. It's been a blast from the get-go, and our experts have just completed another round of selections. It's not easy to transcribe every round to you, our readers, but that's just part of the territory when you're professionals. People depend on us, and we have every intention of helping you with your draft by giving you an inside look into ours.

If you need to catch up, check out these links to our first, second, third and fourth rounds. Now, on to the latest and greatest (well, in some cases) fantasy football picks…

The Fifth Round Draft Order:Joey Galloway

41. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience
42. KissMyTightEnd
43. the iForce
44. Employee001
45. GoldGlove24
46. Team Ecosystem
47. The Deciders
48. Montana2Rice
49. JamalLewisMustDie
50. Jeff_Probst_wannabe

The Unedited Fifth Round:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience]: Joey Galloway.

[KissMyTightEnd]: T.J. Duckett.

[the iForce]: Chester Taylor.

[Employee001]: DeShaun Foster.

[GoldGlove24]: Andre Johnson.

[Team Ecosystem]: Tony Gonzalez.

[The Deciders]: Dominic Rhodes

[Montana2Rice]: Joe Horn.

[JamalLewisMustDie]: Carson Palmer.

[Jeff_Probst_wannabe]: Deuce McAllister.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Rundown, Sans Commentary…

41. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience — Joey Galloway, WR, Tampa Bay
42. KissMyTightEnd — T.J. Duckett, RB, Atlanta
43. the iForce — Chester Taylor, RB, Minnesota
44. Employee001 — DeShaun Foster, RB, Carolina
45. GoldGlove24 — Andre Johnson, WR, Houston
46. Team Ecosystem — Tony Gonzalez, TE, Kansas City
47. The Deciders — Dominic Rhodes, RB, Indianapolis
48. Montana2Rice — Joe Horn, WR, New Orleans
49. JamalLewisMustDie — Carson Palmer, QB, Cincinnati
50. Jeff_Probst_wannabe — Deuce McAllister, RB, New Orleans

THROUGH FIVE ROUNDS, BY TEAM:

The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience:
Larry Johnson, RB, Kansas City
Domanick Davis, RB, Houston
Reggie Bush, RB, New Orleans
Javon Walker, WR, Denver
Joey Galloway, WR, Tampa Bay

KissMyTightEnd:
LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, San Diego
Marvin Harrison, WR, Indianapolis
Randy Moss, WR, Oakland
Reuben Droughns, RB, Cleveland
T.J. Duckett, RB, Atlanta

the iForce:
Shaun Alexander, RB, Seattle
Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego
Brian Westbrook, RB, Philadelphia
Tatum Bell, RB, Denver
Chester Taylor, RB, Minnesota

Employee001:
Tiki Barber, RB, N.Y. Giants
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona
Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh
Plaxico Burress, WR, N.Y. Giants
DeShaun Foster, RB, Carolina

GoldGlove24:
Edgerrin James, RB, Arizona
Willis McGahee, RB, Buffalo
Julius Jones, RB, Dallas
Chris Chambers, WR, Miami
Andre Johnson, WR, Houston

Team Ecosystem:
Rudi Johnson, RB, Cincinnati
Chad Johnson, WR, Cincinnati
Kevin Jones, RB, Detroit
Santana Moss, WR, Washington
Tony Gonzalez, TE, Kansas City

The Deciders:
Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis
Carnell Williams, RB, Tampa Bay
Torry Holt, WR, St. Louis
Corey Dillon, RB, New England
Dominic Rhodes, RB, Indianapolis

Montana2Rice:
Clinton Portis, RB, Washington
Ronnie Brown, RB, Miami
Anquan Boldin, WR, Arizona
Roy Williams, WR, Detroit
Joe Horn, WR, New Orleans

JamalLewisMustDie:
Terrell Owens, WR, Dallas
Lamont Davis, RB, Oakland
Warrick Dunn, WR, Atlanta
Reggie Wayne, WR, Indianapolis
Carson Palmer, QB, Cincinnati

Jeff_Probst_wannabe:
Steve Smith, WR, Carolina
Steven Jackson, RB, St. Louis
Hines Ward, WR, Pittsburgh
Tom Brady, QB, New England
Deuce McAllister, RB, New Orleans

     
   
     

July 26, 2006

MOCK FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT: ROUND 4

by Michael Stephens

We hope you've been enjoying our official Mock Draft, Fantasy Football Files staff style. It's been a wild ride, with some real surprises to go along with the predictable early going. You've seen the picks and witty remarks from round one. Then you saw the drama continue to unfold in round two. We even gave you the full rundown of round three. What's next? You guessed it.

Round four. The Draft Order:Tom Brady = Too Sexy

31. Jeff_Probst_wannabe
32. JamalLewisMustDie
33. Montana2Rice
34. The Deciders
35. Team Ecosystem
36. GoldGlove24
37. Employee001
38. the iForce
39. KissMyTightEnd
40. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience

The Unedited Fourth Round:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Jeff_Probst_wannabe]: Tom Brady. My respect for him as a player and my unrelenting man-love for him as a human being makes this a no-brainer.

The Edge[JamalLewisMustDie]: At least you're honest. JamalLewisMustDie will select the man the Colts wanted so bad they let the Edge walk. And I'm not talking about The Edge, as in the guitarist from U2 (left), whose given name, I believe, is David Evans. I am talking about star running back Edgerrin James. Who, come to think of it, I really wish I could take in this spot. But as he's no longer available, so I'll take Reggie Wayne.

[Montana2Rice]: Roy Williams. The receiver on Detroit, not the Cowboys safety. Just clearing that up.

[JamalLewisMustDie]: Thanks, jackass. Nice team name.

[Montana2Rice]: How many Super Bowls have you won, Jamal? Oh, snap!

[The Deciders]: You guys both suck. Really hard. You put Lindsay Lohan to shame. You know who won't suck at all this year, though? Corey Dillon.

[Team Ecosystem]: Santana Moss
will be growing in this particular ecosystem come September.

[GoldGlove24]: Chris
"Gas" Chambers.

[Employee001]: Ha, does that mean you are gonna execute him if he drops a pass in the end zone? Geez. Time for me to take the man with perhaps the oddest first name in sports, and that's saying a lot. Plaxico Burress. He may not be smart, but man can that guy run.

[the iForce]: Despite only carrying the ball six times a game coming into this year, I have high hopes that Tatum will ring the Bell of scoring (boo) many times this year.

[Employee001]: You are probably the least funny person on this planet.

[the iForce]: You are probably fired as of the end of the day.

[Employee001]: Well played.

[KissMyTightEnd]: Reuben Droughns… On and on and on…

[The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience]: Enough. I conclude this round with Javon Walker.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Rundown, Sans Commentary…

31. Jeff_Probst_wannabe — Tom Brady, QB, New England
32. JamalLewisMustDie — Reggie Wayne, WR, Indianapolis
33. Montana2Rice — Roy Williams, WR, Detroit
34. The Deciders — Corey Dillon, RB, New England
35. Team Ecosystem — Santana Moss, WR, Washington
36. GoldGlove24 — Chris Chambers, WR, Miami
37. Employee001 — Plaxico Burress, WR, N.Y. Giants
38. the iForce — Tatum Bell, RB, Denver
39. KissMyTightEnd — Reuben Droughns, RB, Cleveland
40. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience — Javon Walker, WR, Denver

THROUGH FOUR ROUNDS, BY TEAM:

The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience:
Larry Johnson, RB, Kansas City
Domanick Davis, RB, Houston
Reggie Bush, RB, New Orleans
Javon Walker, WR, Denver

KissMyTightEnd:
LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, San Diego
Marvin Harrison, WR, Indianapolis
Randy Moss, WR, Oakland
Reuben Droughns, RB, Cleveland

the iForce:
Shaun Alexander, RB, Seattle
Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego
Brian Westbrook, RB, Philadelphia
Tatum Bell, RB, Denver

Employee001:
Tiki Barber, RB, N.Y. Giants
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona
Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh
Plaxico Burress, WR, N.Y. Giants

GoldGlove24:
Edgerrin James, RB, Arizona
Willis McGahee, RB, Buffalo
Julius Jones, RB, Dallas
Chris Chambers, WR, Miami

Team Ecosystem:
Rudi Johnson, RB, Cincinnati
Chad Johnson, WR, Cincinnati
Kevin Jones, RB, Detroit
Santana Moss, WR, Washington

The Deciders:
Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis
Carnell Williams, RB, Tampa Bay
Torry Holt, WR, St. Louis
Corey Dillon, RB, New England

Montana2Rice:
Clinton Portis, RB, Washington
Ronnie Brown, RB, Miami
Anquan Boldin, WR, Arizona
Roy Williams, WR, Detroit

JamalLewisMustDie:

Terrell Owens, WR, Dallas
Lamont Davis, RB, Oakland
Warrick Dunn, WR, Atlanta
Reggie Wayne, WR, Indianapolis

Jeff_Probst_wannabe:
Steve Smith, WR, Carolina
Steven Jackson, RB, St. Louis
Hines Ward, WR, Pittsburgh
Tom Brady, QB, New England

     
   
     

July 25, 2006

MOCK FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT: ROUND 3

by Michael Stephens

Yes, the commentary is petering out. But the Fantasy Football Files Mock Draft is still going, as our experts have now completed round three.

See how it all started in the good ol' days of the first round, then get the skinny on the second round. Below is the full rundown of the Files' fantasy draft's third round, beginning with the 21st overall pick. Watch with amusement as the The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience loads up on running backs and others load up on receiving threats. Which will pay off?

The Draft Order:Reggie Bush

21. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience
22. KissMyTightEnd
23. the iForce
24. Employee001
25. GoldGlove24
26. Team Ecosystem
27. The Deciders
28. Montana2Rice
29. JamalLewisMustDie
30. Jeff_Probst_wannabe

And now, the Unedited Third Round:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience]: … the once future Texan (who plays for the Saints), Reggie Bush.

[KissMyTightEnd]: He hasn't run over a police officer in two years. I'll take Randy Moss.

[the iForce]: The other Brian - Westbrook.

[Employee001]: The temptation here is to pick the alliterative Julius Jones, but I must pass on him in favor of Pittsburgh's Willie Parker for three reasons:

1. I hate Dallas
2. Pittsburgh's run-heavy offense may become even more dependent upon
the ground game now that their QB's face is broken.
3. Imagine how many more goal line carries Parker may potentially
receive now that Jerome Bettis is gone. To say nothing of the extra food
during team dinners.

With the Bus parked for good and no longer a factor at the buffet line, Willie will get the extra nourishment he needs to build strength andbecome an elite back.

[GoldGlove24]: Julius Jones.

(72 hours later)

Tommy Lee Jones

[Team Ecosystem]: Has it been my pick all this time? Apologies. I'll take director/actor/running back triple threat Kevin "Smith/Tommy Lee" Jones, who should see marked improvement in the new Lions system. Oh, who am I kidding? That team is still going to be terrible.

[The Deciders]: Torry Holt.

[Montana2Rice]: Anquan Boldin.

[JamalLewisMustDie]: Warrick Dunn.

[Jeff_Probst_wannabe]:
Hines Ward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Rundown, Sans Commentary…

21. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience — Reggie Bush, RB, Houston
22. KissMyTightEnd — Randy Moss, WR, Oakland
23. the iForce — Brian Westbrook, RB, Philadelphia
24. Employee001 — Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh
25. GoldGlove24 — Julius Jones, RB, Dallas
26. Team Ecosystem — Kevin Jones, RB, Detroit
27. The Deciders — Torry Holt, WR, St. Louis
28. Montana2Rice — Anquan Boldin, WR, Arizona
29. JamalLewisMustDie — Warrick Dunn, WR, Atlanta
30. Jeff_Probst_wannabe — Hines Ward, WR, Pittsburgh

THROUGH THREE ROUNDS, BY TEAM:

The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience:
Larry Johnson, RB, Kansas City
Domanick Davis, RB, Houston
Reggie Bush, RB, New Orleans
KissMyTightEnd:
LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, San Diego
Marvin Harrison, WR, Indianapolis
Randy Moss, WR, Oakland

the iForce:
Shaun Alexander, RB, Seattle
Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego
Brian Westbrook, RB, Philadelphia

Employee001:
Tiki Barber, RB, N.Y. Giants
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona
Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh

GoldGlove24:

Edgerrin James, RB, Arizona
Willis McGahee, RB, Buffalo
Julius Jones, RB, Dallas

Team Ecosystem:
Rudi Johnson, RB, Cincinnati
Chad Johnson, WR, Cincinnati
Kevin Jones, RB, Detroit

The Deciders:

Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis
Carnell Williams, RB, Tampa Bay
Torry Holt, WR, St. Louis

Montana2Rice:

Clinton Portis, RB, Washington
Ronnie Brown, RB, Miami
Anquan Boldin, WR, Arizona

JamalLewisMustDie:

Terrell Owens, WR, Dallas
Lamont Davis, RB, Oakland
Warrick Dunn, WR, Atlanta

Jeff_Probst_wannabe:
Steve Smith, WR, Carolina
Steven Jackson, RB, St. Louis
Hines Ward, WR, Pittsburgh

     
   
     

July 21, 2006

MOCK FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT: ROUND 2

by Michael Stephens

With the Fantasy Football Files Mock Draft in full swing, our experts wasted no time getting down to business in round two. Actually, that's a complete lie. Plenty of time was wasted. Some of them actually have jobs that don't entail running fantasy football sites. Tragic.

See how it all began in the first round. Then see below for the rundown on the second round of the Files' official draft. The draft order, as is customary, is now reversed, with the lowly owner of the 10th overall pick, Jeff_Probst_wannabe, picking first — underscores and all.

The Draft Order:Antonio Gates

11. Jeff_Probst_wannabe
12. JamalLewisMustDie
13. Montana2Rice
14. The Deciders
15. Team Ecosystem
16. GoldGlove24
17. Employee001
18. the iForce
19. KissMyTightEnd
20. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience

And now, the Unedited Second Round:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Jeff_Probst_wannabe]: Jeff_Probst_wannabe starts out the 2nd round with Stephen [sic] Jackson. Always bet on black. And a team no longer led by Mike Martz.

[JamalLewisMustDie]: JamalLewisMustDie must now select who will take Jamal Lewis' role as colossal, overrated running back bust. It's too early to tell, but we feel Lamont Jordan is up to the task.

[Montana2Rice]:
With Daunte Culpepper on the verge of being knee-less any day now - and Joey Harrington as Miami's reliable back-up - we're gonna assume the Dolphins run the ball a lot. Come on down, Ronnie Brown.

[The Deciders]: There's a round TWO? Steven Jackson - is that someone? I'll take him.

Steven Segal

[Team Ecosystem]: Steven Jackson was already taken. Both Steven Segal (left) and Action Jackson are still around, though. Note: I will trade up for Action Jackson

[The Deciders]: My turn again? Carnell Williams

[Team Ecosystem]: As I am attempting to do my best Richenthal impression, I plan to grab as many Johnsons as I can today. Chad Johnson

[GoldGlove24]: Hard to pass up Willis McGahee with this pick - he's the best of a small core of remaining 1st teir [sic] RBs which includes Dominick Davis, Brian Westbrook, and Julius Jones. McGahee only scoring 5 TDs despite 1250 yards last year has to be considered an anomoly [sic] and that he'll bounce back.

[Employee001]: It is a great honor for Employee001 to bring back one of his favorite fantasy employees, Larry Fitzgerald, for a third consecutive season.

[the iForce]: Let's open the flood Gates of scoring, huh, gents? Antonio, it is.

[The Deciders]: (throwing up into shirt)

[The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience]: Throwing up into shirt? Sounds like something Chris Henry would do. Bit of a reach on that pick.

[The Deciders]: Marvin Harrison.

[The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience]: I will take the once and current Texan, Domanick Davis, and…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Rundown, Sans Commentary…

11. Jeff_Probst_wannabe — Steven Jackson, RB, St. Louis
12. JamalLewisMustDie — Lamont Davis, RB, Oakland
13. Montana2Rice — Ronnie Brown, RB, Miami
14. The Deciders — Carnell Williams, RB, Tampa Bay
15. Team Ecosystem — Chad Johnson, WR, Cincinnati
16. GoldGlove24 — Willis McGahee, RB, Buffalo
17. Employee001 — Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona
18. the iForce — Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego
19. KissMyTightEnd — Marvin Harrison, WR, Indianapolis
20. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience — Domanick Davis, RB, Houston

     
   
     

July 20, 2006

MOCK FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT: ROUND 1

by Michael Stephens

It's finally time for the draft. The Fantasy Football Files mock fantasy draft, that is. Follow along with the 10 experts on our staff as they sift through the talent pool and select their rosters, round by round, e-mail by e-mail, andLarry Johnson is #1 insult by insult.

The Draft Order:

1. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience
2. KissMyTightEnd
3. the iForce
4. Employee001
5. GoldGlove24
6. Team Ecosystem
7. The Deciders
8. Montana2Rice
9. JamalLewisMustDie
10. Jeff_Probst_wannabe

And now, the Unedited First Round:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience]: Let's take a look at the first overall picks from the past several years. Ladainian Tomlinson, obviously. Priest Holmes had a few solid years. Even my man so nice they first-named him twice, Shaun Alexander has been taken first. In leagues that value the QB, Peyton Manning goes first overall. And who could forget Boo Williams? (bit of a stretch, I know).

Anyway, to break with tradition of "first round picks with ridiculous names", I'm taking my man in Amsterdam, Mister Larry Johnson.

[KissMyTightEnd]: LJ? Have you taken a look at the Chiefs schedule? Tough matchups for him early on - especially "LJ vs. orthopetic surgeon" in week 4. I'll take LT.

[the iForce]: Oh no, I can't have Tomlinson and the defenses he'll face with a new quarterback, Philip Rivers, behind center? That's one "L" of a loss for my squad! Give me Shaun Alexander.

[KissMyTightEnd]: Alexander?! Figured you would pick the most metrosexual running back in football. What - Tiki's face isn't smooth enough for you?

[Employee001]: I choose Tiki Barber. And chat rooms for the next mock draft. And a dental plan.

[GoldGlove24]: If Tiki is gone, the #5 pick could be either the worst or best pick in the draft, depending upon your opinion of Edgerrin James in Arizona. Of course there will be a drop off in production, but if you don't think it will be much, James at #5 is a steal.

However, if you anticipate a more dramatic drop off, you now have to debate whether to take Rudi Johnson or Stephen Jackson too high, or risk Edgerrin James. This team is gonna take the leap with Edgerrin.

Keisha Knight Pulliam (a.k.a. Rudy Huxtable)

[Team Ecosystem]: Rudi Johnson. Why? Because Rudi Huxtable (left) doesn't have a solid O-line blocking for her. Also, because I think she's serving a four-game suspension to start the season. Possible late-round sleeper, though.

[The Deciders]: 7 picks, 60 minutes. Who are the ad wizards behind this one? I think Peyton - but am wary about picking a QB, because at this I may be able to get Brady Quinn in a late round. I'll start with Peyton.

[Montana2Rice]: Peyton Manning? He comes through in the clutch almost as often as I find original critiques of him. Clinton Portis, however? His teams never lose in the first round of the playoffs.

[KissMyTightEnd]: I thought this was about stats? I hate you.

[JamalLewisMustDie]: Last year, around this time, I picked Jamal Lewis. We all know how that worked out.

The safe route would be for JamalLewisMustDie to select the best running back available with this, the 9th overall selection, but I am going to ignore conventional wisdom the way Richenthal would a third base coach in softball — in other words, making a thoroughly awful, selfish decision that adversely impacts the whole team.

I pick Terrell Owens.

[The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience] Jamal Lewis is still available? Trade up, TJJKE, trade up!

[The Deciders] Jackie Joyner Exp - are you in NYC? Want to go halfsies on an escort in between rounds?

[Jeff_Probst_wannabe] J_P_w selects MVSmith with the last pick of the 1st round. If you don't know why and/or think this was a reach, you clearly don't watch fooball.

[Team Ecosystem] Luke wins the "Fake Draft/Fake Players" award. Who is MV Smith? I know you're not trying to combine MVP with Steve Smith. You should instead try to combine 7 to 8 additional inches to Steve Smith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Rundown, Sans Commentary…

1. The Jackie Joyner Kersey Experience — Larry Johnson, RB, Kansas City
2. KissMyTightEnd — LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, San Diego
3. the iForce — Shaun Alexander, RB, Seattle
4. Employee001 — Tiki Barber, RB, N.Y. Giants
5. GoldGlove24 — Edgerrin James, RB, Arizona
6. Team Ecosystem — Rudi Johnson, RB, Cincinnati
7. The Deciders — Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis
8. Montana2Rice — Clinton Portis, RB, Washington
9. JamalLewisMustDie — Terrell Owens, WR, Dallas
10. Jeff_Probst_wannabe — Steve Smith, WR, Carolina

     
   
     


 
     
     
   
     
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