ANYTHING-BUT-GREAT DAYNE TO STAY IN DENVER

A Denver news station reports that the Broncos have agreed to re-sign running back Ron Dayne and have hammered out a three-year contract. Terms of the deal were not disclosed, and the station did not specify whether a night of heavy drinking and strippers contributed to G.M. Ted Sundquist’s lapse in judgment.

“Ron showed us in 2005 that he certainly has the skills to be a productive part of the Broncos’ rushing attack,” Sundquist said. “His contributions should only be greater in 2006, and we feel he has finally found a place where he can showcase his talent.”

Look, Ted. We are talking about Ron Dayne here. The only place his “talent” is being showcased is the buffet line. What a disgrace this man is. Let’s recap:

2000: Dayne is selected by my beloved New York Giants in the first round (11th overall) of the NFL Draft. He played in all 16 games, making four starts, and rushed for 770 yards on 228 attempts (for 3.4 yards per carry). He scored five times as the short-lived “thunder” to Tiki Barber’s lightning.

2001: Dayne appeared in all 16 games for the Giants, leading the team with a career-high seven rushing TDs while picking up 690 yards rushing on 180 attempts (3.8 yards per carry).

2002: Noticeably heavier, he appears in all 16 games, starting one (for some reason, while rushing for an incredible 428 yards rushing on 125 carries (another solid 3.4 yards per carry) with three TDs.

2003: Dayne was mercifully inactive for all 16 games with the Giants.

2004: Somehow appearing in 14 games and starting two of them, Dayne put together massive totals of 179 yards on 52 carries (good for his standard 3.4 per) on the season.

2005: Gained 270 yards on 53 carries (a 5.1 average) in 10 games of action for Denver. Sure, the average is up, but with Mike Anderson and Tatum Bell softening up defenses, my colleague J.J. Cameron could have probably run for 10 yards a carry.

This is hysterical. How people keep their jobs when underperforming to such an incredible extent in this league is a mystery. Do not go anywhere near Ron Dayne in your fantasy league. Or when he walks into the all-you-can-eat sushi buffet. If you stand between him and a California roll, he may actually devour you. Crazy as it sounds, you’d be better off with Maurice Clarett, who at least packs heat.